Last of Illusions

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I tink ive graduated to a higher level of dreaming. (cheyyy) Ive never been able to feel in my dreams,.. feel as in sense of touch or even smell. Recently ive had this dream that me sya khairun and some other people had our own house, sort of like sya's perth house, only its 2 stories high. For some reason, I was standing at the balcony of the 2nd floor and sya told me to smell the air because winter's coming. I could really smell the crisp cool air and feel the coolness. How weird is that?

Just yesterday i had this dream about me venting out my frustrations by screaming to everybody. Literally. I mean i cant possibly scream to my parents in real life right, so doing it subconsciously in my dream felt darn good. I woke up feeling soo relieved. Yeap my parents frustrate me all the time.

I mean seriously, they make noise when:
1) im at home and facing the computer 24/7
2)im at home and doing nothing but watch tv
3)going out all the time because when im at home they complain im doing nothing but computer or watch tv
4)being soo busy all the time because they complain i always go out and do nothing.

See the pattern here? They are never satisfied. And will never be. And they never learn from their parents. It will just be one vicious cycle where parents keep doing the same stuff and mistakes that their parents did. And refusing to admit their own mistake (or being ridiculously petty and stubborn) and at the same time, trying to justify their mistake by saying "but you..blah blah.."

Future Moms pls take note: Do not ever repeat the same mistake of doing all these. Yes i know very well its your pride and adult ego bursting out of your monster self, but im sure, deep within you, there's the nice person there.

She rambled at 12:42 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I used to think parents are supposed to be invincible. They are not supposed to fall sick or get hurt anywhere for that matter. Or even if they do, they are able to bounce back very quickly that me, as their child, isnt even supposed to notice that something's wrong with them.

I can safely say that parents make the worst ever patients. Because we cant blackmail them or threaten them the same way they do to us, or even force feed them medicine or stuffs that are supposedly good for your body blah blah. Because ultimately, they still have the upper hand, whether they are healthy and kicking or lying down listlessly on the bed.

I am used to my parents taking care of me when Im sick such that when they fall sick, Im at a loss. I really dont know what to do. Firstly i hate taking care of sick people. Im not the sort who would fuss around, talk in those soft whispers to coax you to eat your medicine. What i would really like to do is shove it down your throat and make sure u sleep well. yeap thats me. So i really admire all you people out there who have the patience to tend to sick people and know what to do.

Talking about sick people, Im getting the flu. Im hoping it goes away by today. I refuse to take any drugs of any form! I do not have time to entertain this stupid flu. It better go away latest by this weekend. Its not as if I dont get enough rest as it is. I really do not wish to be sick during mock camps, bangkok trip or during camps. None whatsoever. The sickest i can get is the itch from mosquito bites. No more than that.

She rambled at 6:24 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

i found a picture of the dikir girls who performed for this yr's muslimah nite. Its freaky how i found 2 ppl who bore a damn close resemblance to sya and me.

She rambled at 2:41 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I think im in deep shit. My retainers dont seem to fit nicely anymore for my top teeth. Not like i dont wear them in the first place! ahh crap.. Which means the dreaded thing. My teeth are moving.. at an extremely and alarmingly fast rate! faster than the plates on the surface of this Earth moves!

I cant wait for Bangkok. I cant wait for it. Even though deep down what i really want is go to perth! nvm.. i went last year already anyway..

OOH! the Esprit sale was great! damn bloody great. managed to get 4 tees, 1 top, 1 black capri pants (with a cool belt), 1 cap, 2 pairs of flip flops, 1 towel (which is so pretty) and 1 bag for a grand total of 200 plus.. and since i had $120 worth of vouchers, my mom only needed to pay 80++ bucks. Which was totally worth it! Im soo excited by my new wardrobe!

She rambled at 10:53 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Monday, May 22, 2006

I knew i should have blogged abt Mega perdana yesterday. Its been a long while since i last watched a good dikir performance with a good juara. Yeap, going for mega perdana was a totally fantabulous idea. Im surprised anak seni din get in to the finals because i thought they put up a fabulous performance. And i thought that they were very good.

After the interval, Makyong kedek started out the competition with yet another good performance. But then, im pretty biased because there's McMat. Okay me and sya couldnt stop grinning and smiling because of him. We met him outside the hall, after we came back frm zuhur. yeap he has blonde hair but he's still the same old good looking mat. The package as you can call it. Great voice and looks. Like my sister, once they wear the tanjak, i erase their faces, so most ppl are already pleasantly enough to look at. And if they wear white, even better. (im talking abt anak seni and their juara in 2002). From the time he said his signature "Assalamualaikum warahmatullahiwabarakatuh" till his last time of his verse, we..or at least I was mesmerised and not to mention, melting at my seat.. wohoo! I love people with great voices! Totally!

Grey's Anatomy is depressing. I cried too much that my eyes are too swollen. go figure!

She rambled at 1:55 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Sunday, May 21, 2006

"Kechos Nachos". Thats what this guy (who used to be from tj also) called me and sya after he discovered that he chose the wrong group of girls to get stuck with for orienteering. Well, cant help it. When im tired, getting high is the only way to stop me from getting all lethargic. And for some reason me and sya kept talking and laughing at every single thing while we were discussing about the orienteering stuff that he was resigned to his fate. haha!

He told this girl that we were as kecoh as a radio. Couldnt stop talking throughout the way during orienteering. You cant expect us to just keep quiet all the way and not talk right? It would have been super weird man.

Anyway overall mock camp was fun. Being an SM beats being a faci or participant. Okay, granted. Being an SM means having to wait for the groups to arrive and all but that also means alot of slacking time and talking time! luckily the people i was with were the friendly and talkative types. And we've discovered yet another GA fanatic!!! and the name's Sya too. and in the same course as Sya. Bagus lah tu. Both Syas from CS going mad over GA.

She rambled at 1:17 AM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Why in the world do people take so damn long to do their BTT? I finished doing mine so quickly. and then i looked around and nobody else was finished. So i painstakingly checked my answers. And that took a total of 15 mins at most. So i decided to click "end test." and yeap, i passed. I have no idea what is wrong with these Traffic Police. Firstly, he's treating people like idiots, but then expect them to know everything. Know what i mean? This person asked him how to change the answer cuz the stupid thing is goddamn slow so obviously she thought that she cant change the answer and he said in this irritated-concealed voice (which is not well concealed) and said "just press the answer lah". in this loud booming voice. Can imagine how embarrassed the girl felt. and the TP kept saying after we have done our BTT, we should go and book for FTT, then can take practical. He didnt even say anything about PDL or most importantly, where to make it. Apparently alot of people din know anything about PDL. If not for people around me who are taking/have taken driving, i wouldnt know also.

And it din help that i had to be seated next to this mat who apparently has never seen a person in his entire life or something before because he kept looking. Dont you know im giving out "piss off" vibes?? Talk about kepo. And he checked out my screen once i was done with the BTT. (yeap i passed.) Well i would have done the same thing, but im super cranky these days and I really need to keep my temper in check.

And i din know applying for PDL needed eye test. Again. How many times do they want to check your eye sight? And stupidly i forgot to wear my contact. The person said "So when you are driving you want to use only 1 eye ah?" And she rejected my application. As usual, temper temper.

So there i went off, fuming at my own stupidity and the lady's sarcasm. While waiting for the shuttle bus i realise i could have borrowed a pair of glasses over the registration counter. Needless to say, that lady wasnt quite thrilled that I had to borrow it. (well its there! ur not using it, so dont be a selfish brat. We need to learn to care and share.) Anyway i went back up to to register for my PDL. tt bloody expensive thing. Now im super broke! The lady over at the PDL counter wasnt too impressed with my attitude earlier (hello..i take rejections badly). And then when i gave back the specs, that irritating lady gave me an earful. Said next time i have to wear my contacts, blah blah.. nyeh nyeh.. i hate people nagging at me. i hate people saying i told you so. and i hate people looking at me like im stupid. I need a punch bag. No! like sya said, something to break, like the cast Meredith broke in grey's anatomy. The satisfaction of breaking someting, hearing it crack and crumble to dust is good for anger management.

She rambled at 5:36 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Today is my lucky day. wohhoo!! i love today! Got to eat my prata from Victory, then got my free oreo crush ice blend from hafie, and then while walking around Bugis, we got stopped and picked as hair models! hahah! well, its not as great as it sounds.. Toni and Guy needed people for their students to practice hair cutting on. Well, we've got nothing much to lose.. Just a few inches of hair (which can grow back should it be a horrible hairstyle) and a new hairstyle gained (plus! its free of charge). Next im just hoping ill be walking around Bugis when they need models for hair colouring and highlighting. Or rebonding! or hair curling. Anything! Pick me! pick me!

Okay firstly its the usual wash and condition. And then the excruciating 2 hours stuck in the seat while the guy cuts my hair in some stylo mylo manner which had to be inspected like after each cut or something! Bloody long man.. and my hair's now short. It feels super weird to run my fingers through my hair and it ends abruptly. Well, considering its free and its a pretty good haircut, i shouldnt complain. and its done by the student, but supervised by the teachers and all. Altogether he used
1)leave in conditioner
2)anti frizz serum
3)some shiny spray thingy

Thats wayy more stuff than wat ive used for my hair in the past 2 years combined.

I love TiGi stuff!! so colourful! now if only they werent 30 bucks per bottle, i would have bought them.. so cool man the stuff.. and they come with catchy names. okay not tt catchy but its cool!! But anyway i cant stand all the gunk in my hair. Just had to wash it as soon as i got home. SO yeap, good bye styled hair. hello un styled hair and in less than 1 week time, hello MESSY hair! well, it was good while it lasted. :P

I didnt know my hair was THAT long.. i thought it was shorter.. apparently layers does give illusions..

sya in awe of hafie's super long rapunzel-like locks

hantu hafie!

The guy who cut my hair asked me "which sec are you from?" and i told him im from uni. SUPER SHOCKED was the understatement of the century.. hahahahah! And he said its actually a compliment, not an insult. Well, ive gotten used to people thinking that im younger than i actually am.. haha! and i love looking younger than my age!! Ill be super grateful for it in 20 years time.To all you old foggies who look older than u are, beware! hahahahah!!

She rambled at 7:49 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Cant say i din expect this day to come. I tink its the negative vibes! haha.. but then why issit that when you think of good things, they never come true, but when you think of bad things, they tend to come true? Life's truly unfair. You've just gotta suck it in.

Okay enough of the step emo entry.. Angsty stufff and sadness just doesnt do much for my image. it jsut doesnt suit me.. haha.

anyway that was 2 cups in a row! too many times. 2 cups in a row i couldnt finish my bubble tea. i cant believe it. waste of perfectly good bubble teas. next time: no bubbles for me!

i cant believe the first time my friend told me about bubble tea, i thought it was literally a cup of tea, but with sago kinda stuff as the bubbles. And i didnt get why she was so excited about going out with friends to drink bubble tea. (yeap this was during the Great Bubble Tea Craze --> they even had cool bubble tea cups, with winding straws and all..mind you dont choke on the damn bubbles)

She rambled at 1:33 AM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Sunday, May 14, 2006

n2f sent this email. I thought it was stng to reflect on. To all my dear girlfriends:

Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter.
Someone's house will be bigger.
Someone will drive a better car.
Someone's children will do better in school.
And someone's husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go,
and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it.

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.

And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.

And the richest woman you know... she's got the car, the house, the clothes...might be lonely.

And the word says if "I have not Loved, I am nothing."

So, again, love you. Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"

"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."

Be Blessed ladies.

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world."

She rambled at 8:22 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Friday, May 12, 2006

i really cant stand mat talks. or minah talks for that matter. and some of them really butcher words!! I mean I can accept short forms for words when you type on msn or sms, like "tis" for "this", or "tt","wat", "wif" or "de/da" for "the", but words like "cleepy" instead of "sleepy"?? Whats the deal? I mean its not short form.. Both have the same number of letters anyway. And the best are those tt shorten words and ur suppose to understand what those words mean. Like "laja" which stands for "belajar". "unda" for "under", "tol" for "betul." or even better.. "sumo" or "semua".

Or better. "eeeuu" for "you". Whats the point right? The whole point of changing the spelling is to shorten it, and not to lengthen it. And i cant stand 'cutesey-like' spellings. 'heya everybodieh! welcume to my blogg. blah blah.. ooh en, pwease dun anyhow link me kiex. ask me ferst."

Yeah yeah.. Nobody's english/malay is perfect. Mine's not perfect. I admit i tend to use words like biler for bila, but at least I dont go around butchering words that horribly.

She rambled at 6:44 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

finally! i can update my photos! i finally got the sleepover photos from sya.. Anyway,we had a sleepover at sya's on last sat. it was supposed to be "kelly camp" cuz we were supposed to watch kelly clarkson host mtv asia awards, but it turned out tt kelly clarkson was replaced by kelly rowland, and tt they wont show mtv asia awards on cable tt night. No harm done.

(courtesy of salmah)
Question: how do you know a bunch of girls have just gone for a sleepover?
Answer: They have the same painted nail colour(s).

Which is true. ALL of us there had the same nail colour.

Nail painting frenzy!

whats the point in painting nails if we dun admire our handiwork??

zub the hairstylist, making n2f look like a poodle. haha!! just kidding!! and khairun, future manicurist.. okay, for 1 finger only.. :P

wads the point in hanging out if you dont take crappy photos right?

after nat and salmah left, liana joined after her SMU chalet thingy. Den we played this game in the dark where u ask the person beside you questions about yourself, if the person gets the answer wrong, she will be marked! haha..defaced with facial mask. Well at least its good for your skin.

We went to 7-11 at about 130am and we realise tt singapore's not scary at all at night. come on, the streets were soo brightly lit and considering it was in the wee hours of morning, it was pretty busy. me sya and khairun went to 711 with our faces smothered in facial mask, while the rest washed them off. okay, more like me and sya with our faces, and khairun with a green moustache.

we walked by the reservoir, which is now brightly lit, with street posts every 50m or sthng. and we played with sparklers!! fun fun fun! and we chased zub along the entire reservoir cuz she was afraid of the sparklers.. wakhakhakha!

khairun said tt singaporeans are very polite. guess why? cuz they dun snicker or have any reaction or luff to OUR faces. surprise surprise..

had a panic frenzy in 7-11 for a while when we asked the sales girl where the nail polish remover was and she pointed to 'facial wash". And then we corrected her, and she said these are the only products they had. damn stupid idiot. and we found the nail polish remover near the counter. thanks goodness..

we played charades, sang songs, just to stay awake till subuh. liana and khairun boinked off at abt 3plus or wassit 4 plus.. my voice decided to get raspy at abt 4plus (i think) and after a while, we all just dozed off at 530 and woke up at 630 for subuh. and prayed in shifts. Slept till abt 930am, and took baths in shifts while watching veronica mars. Had macs for brunch while watching "baby genius". i tink this was the worst ever day/night tt i pigged out. ate wayy too much snacks and too little water. i guess tts why i lost my voice.

She rambled at 7:39 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Friday, May 05, 2006

Well ive finally done it. Threw my terrapins away. Literally. Into bedok reservoir. Its soo fun throwning them into the reservoir!! But it wasnt fun when i had to bring them from woodlands to bedok in a paper bag lined with plastic cuz their tanks too big for me to lug around. and its disgustingly filthy. Oh, and i forgot they actually had claws so they could use their claws as anchors so that they can try to escape from the bag. Stupid move. Where do u wanna run away u morons? And get squashed by the vehicles on the expressway? be my guest.

Anyway it was raining just now, and i was trying to find a good spot to release those terrapins but everywhere was lined with rocks. So i had to hold an umbrella and swing the bag so that the terrapins are flung well away from the rocks. I am NOT evil sya, i care abt them. (yeah right..) Once they got into the waters, the hyperactive one (which kept trying to claw out of my bag) quickly swam away. There was a group of St Anthony sec girls drenched in the rain and i can see the colour of the the bras but tts not the pt.

Once they heard the splash, they came quickly in my direction and kept saying 'soo cute.. so cute!!' they are soo not cute! they are big and smelly! Anyway then i realise there's only 1 terrapin swimming. Where the hell is the other one? And then i saw it, in between the rocks, in the shallow portion of the reservoir. (this is the timid one). And it wasnt moving. While the hyperactive one was happily swimming on the surface, the timid one was not moving. I was soo scared that i killed it! And then after a while it started moving and swam to the surface for a while and then quickly plunged deep into the reservoir. Happy making friends dear terrapins. Its been a memorable 10 years of experience. Should have brought a camera ah.. As much as i find them really irritating and smelly, me, being the sentimental person, feel abit of loss.. not much.. abit only ah.. like 0.009% or sthng..

I wanna throw them into the reservoir again!!

She rambled at 10:45 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Thursday, May 04, 2006

I should be super excited for today. After all, ive waited for 2 years for today. But honestly, i wasnt. Okay, maybe a teensy bit excited but not as excited as i felt at the start of the year. Major bummer. I should have been excited. And today was the worst ever dental trip. Plus, i had an ulcer. which doesnt help when the dentist just keeps stretching ur mouth open. bloody hell..

Okay first when i got to the chair, he din bother taking off the blue linkers. instead he just used a pair of cutters and cut off my braces from my teeth, which din hurt.Except when he removed those rings. That hurt! and the amount of blood was ghastly. Fine im exaggerating but i cant help it. Im blood-o-phobic and pain-o-phobic.

Then he began to sand off the bonding glue from my teeth. That was really irritating and tedious. I mean its not me who's doing the sanding but it felt like he was pulling out my teeth. And i have no idea how to say this in english but it felt damn ngilu.. The same feeling i get in my teeth if i hear metals clanging against each other. And then he took out his trusty drill to further get rid of the glue/cement on my teeth. DRILL= metal!! I was clenching my fist the whole way so tt i dont accidentally punch him or something.

Okay then he took a mould of my teeth. more like TWO moulds. Luckily the plaster tasted like toothpaste so it wasnt so bad. It was like eating play dough, only nicer taste. I went to the toilet after tt to check out my new teeth. I look weird! and to top it all off, i had bits of the green plaster on my face!

Braces was fun(sometimes) while it lasted. Now i just have to get used to my teeth without braces. Looks like chicklets. And ive nvr realised how huge they are!! In the mean time, i just made this collage of my teeth.haha..dun look if u dun wan to. They look the same after a while.

She rambled at 6:24 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

You know how sometimes you get this uneasy feeling that somebody is pissed off at you for some reason but you just have no idea? Like not replying to you, giving you the cold shoulder or just that looking-past-you-as-if-you-dont-exist look. Even better, putting down every single one of your ideas or jokes. I get that alot. I have no idea why. And it just keeps me reeling through my head thinking what the hell did I do wrong to piss you off. The thing is that when i think somebody's pissed off at me, usually I go the cowardly route. Not talking to you, because honestly, i cant take rejection. As in people ignoring me on purpose.

Hello people of the world. If ur pissed off at me, TELL ME! I dont read subtle signs very well. I dont understand half the complex facial expressions in the world, and frankly, i dont care about them most of the time. [this is precisely why i hate acting.]

She rambled at 3:22 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*