Last of Illusions

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

F**k f**kity f**k f**k f**k!

You, who suddenly decides to, oh, i dunno, CONTRIBUTE to the freaking project by SUDDENLY deciding that our points aren't "indepth enough".

You, who freaking decided that after not replying to our emails about the project, decided to take charge, and OH! TRY to find more stuff to talk about for the freaking presentation.

You, who decided to have MAJOR changes in our presentation after seeing "Monday's presentations" and den suddenly realised that our presentation doesn't have that much impact.

Im freaking sick of your freaking attitude. Im freaking sick of doing this freaking project. Not all of us have nothing to do okay. I have 2 presentations next week, on top of lab reports to submit and a test to do. But NOOOO. The major changes calls for a meeting which might "run late".

And you, the other one. Who thinks that my points aren't indepth enough. FOR goodness sake, you were the one who shifted the presentations because YOU didnt think that you didnt have enough time to talk about every fucking thing, and therefore I have to talk about your part and half of my part would go to the other person. Don't go blaming me for LACK of points, because it's your FREAKING POINTS which I'm taking over.

And why should I pass whatever hard work Ive done for my portion towards tt person, who decided that we needed major changes, when he didn't even contribute to it? Seriously, it's not even hard to do your parts of the presentations, because, oh, i dunno, I was the one who was slogging to find all the information about the presentation and your points are just those summarised from the whole lot of info I've given you. AARGHH!! IDIOTIC MAN!

Don't give me shit about how busy you've been because Ive been busy too. I just wanna get this over and done with so I don't ever have to worry about it ever again.

And don't go judging me about being hypocritical because if I said all these to their faces, much conflict would arise (how ironic is that) and then there goes the project. I merely kept quiet because I just wanna get this over and done with. YOU have no idea how much my heart sinks everytime I see YOU because it makes me think of the project and gets me all depressed becuase of how much i hate it.

She rambled at 10:51 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Monday, March 26, 2007

No 10 year plans for me.
Not even 1 year plan.
Not even 1 mth plan.

Its a right-now plan for me.
Right now. This moment.

If I plan any further, Im afraid Im gonna lose my mind.
Im afraid of the prospects of the future.

Sesungguhnya saya tidak suka sekali membuat projek tentang konflik. Menyampah lahh..

Dan saya tidak suka sekali dengan pensyarah Mass Transfer saya. Notanya.. FUHH! Sungguh dahsyat sekali. There's a higher probability of finding clothes in my tornado-spun cupboard than finding equations in his messed-up-highly-disorganised-freaking pieces of papers he calls notes. And the best thing is that we have a term paper to do, and a presentation for that module, and up till now, we don't even know our topics. Macam mana nak buat kan?? Nampak sah presentation kena buat minggu 13, lepas tu, minggu 14 dah exams. abih tu first paper dia punya pulak tu! Dia dah lah tak betul sikit.. Sikit2 nak marah. perfectionist habis. Masa kelas tu kan masa kita buat salah dan tanya soalan, tapi dia ingat semua orang pandai semacam mcm boleh buat pHD. Kalau salah, kena marah DAN tolak markah. Kental kan pensyarah kita ni???

AHHH!! Bahasa melayu berterabuh!!!! teruk lah!!

She rambled at 11:28 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Check out the invitation page from Multiple. "... meaningful network that reflects your real relationships.." wahahha!! Yah Im sure. How meaningful can it get when people are adding you just for the fun of it. Like friendster, where people are adding you indiscriminately to have 10247894620 friends, and having several accounts just to show the entire world you have so many friends, out of which, you probably don't even talk to half of them. SO where's the "real" part of the relationship huh? I'm getting more cynical nowadays, and I'm blaming everything on NTU and the workload.

I cant wait till after exams, where I'm free to start soaring, tumbling, free-wheeling, through an endless diamond sky.

She rambled at 9:22 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Just came back from Phantom of the Opera. I love everything about it! The set was sooo damn grand and the costumes were soo gorgeous!!! OOH!! The special effects were awesome!! There was a live orchestra also. Wayy cool! The best ever! Okay, this is only the 2nd musical Ive ever been to, so I cant really compare because Rent wasn't about the costumes and the sets. Anyway storyline-wise and song-wise, I prefer Rent, because I got bored with listening to opera-like singing. And Rent had nicer songs. BUT Phantom of the Opera scored on all the others. They even had merchandises outside the theatre!!

I think Nine west shoes are just studio shoes, and not meant for walking. Of course, Sya said its because people who wear nine west shoes are driven around and walk on carpets. I need to add proper soles to it so I can walk without worrying I would tear the thin soles. And Im having freaking blisters. How do people walk in heels without looking like fools, when I look like im galloping all the time. And the heels arent even that high. My raya heels are higher.

Next up, if Wicked ever comes to Singapore, I'm getting good tickets to watch. They have grand sets too, and good songs. That should be great. And when I go NY one day, I shall catch at least 2 shows at Broadway.

I don't see the point in bringing kids to watch theatre. Seriously. They will get bored. It's not as if its Finding Nemo on Ice or Disney or Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or what.. The sign outside the theatre stated no infant in arms and no kids below 6. Yet I still heard a baby cry during the show. I have nothing against kids watching these shows, but it does get annoying when they start getting whiny and irritating. It's like bringing babies in their strollers and going to the esplanade area where it's packed with 96387436523864261 people just to watch the fireworks, and the babies end up crying because the loud popping sounds scare them. Bleagh.

Met somebody from tkgs/tpjc just now at marina square and the first thing I did was wave. Dunno what came over me. Anyway she got freaked out and I think she probably didnt recog me/forgotten who i am. It was really embarassing to be standing in the middle of nowhere, waving at somebody who looks really confused and not wave back. Thank god my sis and Sya were there. Therefore, Ive reached the conclusion that I should not be friendly anymore. Forget it. A social retard should not attempt to be a social butterfly.

She rambled at 8:10 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Bad Day. Terrible day. A bloody nightmare.

You know how it is when one thing leads to another. Firstly, my dad told me that he didn't buy season's parking for this month and so I'll need to put parking coupons, which is freaking expensive because ill need hourly coupon from 430pm till 1030pm, and after that is night parking coupon. And then I had this brilliant idea to park at the top floor of the multi storey carpark because the parking attendant usually won't go till that floor.

This is what you get for trying to cheat the law. Anyway, while trying to park the car, I didn't notice this small wall on my right side. So, while reversing to the LEFT, i didnt look at the RIGHT side, and happily reversed until i heard a loud thud, a scraping sound, and then the car stopped moving altogether. Guess what? MErry xmas to ME! The car had white paint scratches from the right headlight to the right wheel. And the wall had red paint. Of course, panic follows after that. I spent about 45 mins washing and scrubbing away the white scrapes, and managed to get rid of it, and while i was at it and already wet with soap and water, I did my dad a favour and washed the damn car. 1 and 1/2 hrs of workout man. And now the car has 3 pimple-like black dots, where the red paint was scraped, and the red isnt as gleaming and shiny as before. Okay, hopefully after more washes, it would go back to normal. I just need to explain it to my dad.

And then, the story continues. I finished washing the car at 6pm, and didn't put parking coupons. Yeap, still trying to cheat the law. And so, just now at 830pm, when I went down to move the car and put night coupons, guess what happened? Xmas came twice for me. Whoopee! $30 parking fine! AARGH!! Again, I just need to explain to my dad.

Like the day isn't already bad enough. I just pulled my left hemstring, because I didn't stretch before doing skipping!!!

Its okay, cubaan!! Bah!!

She rambled at 9:39 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Firstly, congrats to Khairun for getting her Japan GSS thingy. Out of 60 applicants, and she's one of the 6 who go through!! SOO JEALOUS! OKay, no..Im not jealous because Im not interested in going Japan, BUT both SHE and SYA are going off during this coming 3 months break. What am I gonna do without my PERSONS???? I really need new friends to hang out with. Sya's off to Germany in May to end of June, and Khairun's off to Japan at the end of June till Aug!

Okay enough whiny-ness.

Next up.

GOOD LUCK TO LIANA WHO'S TAKING HER DRIVING TEST TMR!!

Last Saturday, my family and I went to hang out at the airport, and guess what I saw at the airport book store?? "Making out in Korean Language". Making out, as in speaking the language. It had alot of basic korean stuff, and even swear words. wayy cool! BUT! The major turn off. The last few pages were conversations in bed, aka while having sex. Bleah! It was so disgusting ahh. They had to spoil good clean fun!

She rambled at 9:22 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Monday, March 12, 2007

Today we had a mini open fire in class. Not LITERALLY open fire, its more like those debates, but anybody from the floor can speak up about their points. Honestly, the speed at which these people think amazes me. Its like the way debaters think. VERY FAST and clear&concise points. It's intimidating and awe-inspiring at the same time, and I know I'll never be able to do that because

1) I have no opinions about alot of issues OR I don't really care
2) IF i actually have them, those opinions are really shallow
3) I'm socially retarded, which means I cant talk in front of a large audience
4)MY brain don't work that fast
5) My vocab disappears when I have to talk like this

This is why I don't score points for GP essays. HAH! Well at least once this sem's over, I've already cleared my Biz/Mngmt elective module.

This week's checklist:
Tech comm report
Mass transfer assignment
Unit Ops assignment
STUDY for Hysys test
Revise Chem Rxn Eng & tutorials
Get topics for Conflict presentation
Start on Conflict presentation

She rambled at 9:18 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Thursday, March 08, 2007

20 minutes after I came back from night jogging, and my entire head is still pounding, my ears are blocked. This is what happens when I haven't been exercising for a verrryy long time! Well, I have to start at some point of time, instead of letting myself go and just keep on expanding like a big snowball.

Plus, I was supposed to catch up on school work, but instead, I got hooked on watching the chinese show Hana Kimi on youtube. Bleah. Talk about short attention span for academic matters.

**********
Why the double standards when it comes to me?
Why is there a freaking need to compete in every single thing?
Why do you expect so much more from me?

She rambled at 8:28 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*

Saturday, March 03, 2007

You know how it is on Charmed, when ghosts/souls are condemned to repeating the day for eternity because of something they did/didn't do. Its the same with us, on a larger scale, where we have to go through the same cycle in our life. Well, at least for me.

I would dread the day when school reopen, get used to the school pace, have a new resolution to start studying harder and pay attention and do tutorials regularly and keep up with school work. And then it comes to the turning point. The mid-semester break, where all our projects and assignments have piled up so high, it's almost trecherous to scale it, and therefore the easiest way out is to procrastinate. Then the final day of the break comes and all feelings of panic and anxiety come crashing on us, and we struggle to hold on to whatever shred of holiday that's left. School starts all over again, and we go through the same cycle, only it goes faster because in the end, all you want is to get the exams over and done with. And its holiday again, but this time, it's some sort of guilt free, where we can do whatever we want, as many activities crammed up just to savour the holiday spirit. Then it's just poof! the new term starts again.

It's a bloody vicious cycle, yes it is. When I read my past entries, I always talk, rant, complain and rejoice over the same stuff. I should get a new life, no? Don't we ever get tired of doing the same things?

I think school's very competitive, and honestly, I'm pretty sick of competing with everybody for higher grades or even better achievements in anything. I would be lying if I said I don't feel disappointed if I did worse than my peers and that I secretly feel a sense of achievement when I do better. Nobody escapes from feeling those ways. Admit it. Anyway I have to believe there's more to life than just paper qualification. I need to believe there is, or I'll just go bonkers. Competition everywhere for the past 20 years of my life, and for the next ?? years to come? Ill check myself into a mental institution before I have a nervous breakdown.

~~Unit ops assignment~~
~~formal lab report~~
~~Chem rxn eng tut 4 + chap 4~~
Chem rxn chap 7 + tut 5
Tech comm written report
Research for conflict project
Catch up on heat transfer
Catch up on unit ops
bake!

Im such a bloody slacker!

She rambled at 1:29 PM
*Don't seem to know, don't seem to lie*